Well,...

Well, just got done crying. Grandpa Cain died yesterday at about 6AM. We just found out, though. My mom called me into her room and was crying. I asked her what happened and she told me. I didn’t really cry that much until she told me that he had thought of me like one of his grandsons and he wanted me to turn out to be someone to be proud of. I wonder…would he…Grandma Cain, or the Delany family still love me the same or neglect me if they found out I was gay. These things make me wonder and scare me. As my mom said, she’s all I have. And the only family I have is the Cains and the Delanys. That’s really sad. I have a huge family on my mom’s side and probably on my dad’s (Scott’s) too. Then, I’ve got Harold’s family But none of them really like me—or my mom. Why do people hate? What can be that bad? I’ll never know. I’ll have a loving family. One day. How I go upon doing that, I don’t know. It’ll be hard because I’m gay. I guess I’ll fall back on…friends. And the Delanys.

chin0kyd

God DAMN IT! I fucked up again. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I know that Jose might get sick of me falling asleep while still online. I have other things to be worried about though. Last night, when I fell asleep, I was still online. I had kept an IM between me and Annie open. My mom signed me off and closed AOL and I’m scared she might have read it, or worse—my IM with Jose! Either one is…BAD. One is with Jose, my boyfriend, the other, with Annie, telling her that I’m gay. If my mom read either of those, I definitely going to hear it. Oh well, this is me. She can’t change it. I’m her only kid, but she’ll have to accept me.