Just got off the...

Just got off the phone with Jeff, my ex, who I THOUGHT I still had feelings for and THOUGHT still wanted to atleast TALK to me...but he hasn't called in 2 weeks. I realize he's been busy with rehersals and all...but not even a QUICK phone call? ONE? A small, SHORT, to-the-point kinda call!? nahhh NEVER...</p>Here's the whooooooole story...Becky introduced me n Jeff(Jeff and I, WHATEVER! This ISN'T English class, so SCREW IT) a couple weeks ago...at the movies. He was shy at first...I loved it...it was sooooo cute!! But anyway...then like...2 weeks later we went out on our 1st date...when he left, we only hugged but I was like in the CLOUDS. I S K I P P E D back to the sidewalk and hadda smile on my face the whooooole rest of the night...my dad thought I was high or drunk or something...LoL But yeah, then, we went out, Becky snapped and kept threatening suicide, which we knew was serious so we broke up. It's all downhill from there...Actually, one LAST *fun* night with Jeff...November 16th. Backseat of Mrs. Stroud's car. He sat there playin' w/my hair and I *stupidly* spit out..I-Love-You...He told me not to say it unless I meant it...and that I scared him when I said it...then I told him again...and he told me the same. But, now I'm not so sure WHAT to believe. If he loves me, if he hates me, what he thinks...I'm so lost. There are so many things I want to tell him but can't and I just wish he knew how I felt. But, it doesn't matter. I have no chance to be with him again, even if he wanted to, cuz I don't want anything to happen w/Becky.On another note, Nick (someone who used to go to Becky and Jeff's school, which I *might* go to next year...)found out about me n Jeff. I have no idea how...either he heard about it from some friends @ PAS(the school..Performing Arts School of Metropolitan Toledo) or saw us together or somethin...but at lunch today, when I sat down to talk to my best friend Annie's ex, Ryan, he was like "So Mark, How's Jeff??" I was like *jaw drops and tries to play it cool* "Who's Jeff?" It was SO obviously a lie and I got up and ran to ask Amber something about a Cross Country paper....but then...for the next like...2 periods, I was being questioned: "Who's Jeff? Who's Jeff?"Damn it...2 1/2 more quarters of...that...HOPEFULLY my mom LETS me go to PAS next year*crosses fingers* After she sees my...uhm "devotion"(LoL) from auditioning for Willy Wonka, she might think twice!! But then again, it might be a bad idea. The opportunity to vent to(more like KILL) Becky and Jeff would be around so much more...Let's see...Becky says I take things way too personally. And I need to chill. I know I do. I don't mean to take things out on other people. It just...happens.Speaking of just...happening. Kissing Jeff....uhh yeah. Self explanitory?Ohh...a GOOD THING that happened today. I had some of my current and former teachers look over my "Why I Want To Go To College" paragraphs(2 paragraphs, 250 words minimum) It's due by Thursday to Mr. Hankish.Ah, I love this. Eat, eat, eat. I'm pissed and everytime I get pissed, I look for normally "fattening" foods. I don't get fat though...I lose weight. Hellooooo Nutrageous LoLLast time, I did this for 3 days. Nothing but candy and pop. Lost 9 1/2 pounds. Easy as piiiiiiie...MMM! PIE!...found more chocolate. Ah I wish I could stay this way forever. Well, with a LITTLE more muscle. >Not even< 28/30 waist...5'3 1/2"...like...100 lbs..*sigh*Maybe I should wish to get really fat? Then no one would think I'm cute--EVER!...not sayin that..uhm..heavier people aren't hot/cute/whatever...It's a suprise Jeff liked me tho...Anyway, Annie's phone is *STILL* busy. Prolly talkin' 2 RYAN...she said she'd call me...and if she doesn't--I'll KILL HER!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA...sorry bout that, but yeah. Becky and Jeff are on the phone...I was supposed 2 call HIM back but he called her...before I vent again...*Breatheeeeeeee*Ohh..I could be SO mean and never give Jeff his Britney cup. For her 2001-2002 World Tour. I am so mean...:o) I love my ideas!!I can't wait until I move. My whole room is gonna be redone(OH YEAH!) Britney posters eeeeeeeverywhere:o)